Abuse

What is abuse?

The actual definition is, ‘the use of something for the wrong purpose – often repeatedly’: in this can we can also think of it as the mistreatment of another person.

Abuse can come in various forms, including-

• physical
• sexual
• emotional
• mental
• financial.

Physical abuse is the most visible and consequently attracts attention more than some other forms. There is often a lot of secrecy around sexual abuse which can feel shameful and difficult to explore, but has far reaching consequences. Emotional and mental abuse can be very difficult to recognise, both for the victim and their loved ones. These types of abuse may revolve around neglect, manipulation, fear or withholding, possibly resulting in co-dependency. Financial abuse can be disguised as ‘caring’ but in reality is controlling and can be demeaning and manipulative.

Whatever the type of abuse, there are some common feelings that it creates. Two of these are a loss of self esteem and also fear/anxiety. It can be very difficult to talk about being abused because it can create feelings of shame and guilt and questions like: why me? Did I do something that allowed this to happen? What would happen to me if people knew?

After experiencing abuse, relationships with others in general can become challenging: feelings of self-worth may be nonexistent and trust unattainable. People frequently live with heavy secrets around abuse, hoping that if they don’t think about it, then the feelings about it won’t exist either. Sadly this is not the case as the feelings tend to inform our behaviour and ultimately the pain of abuse can eat away at us.

How can counselling help?

A good counsellor will recognise that your experience of abuse is unique to you, and will have been very painful. They will likely spend time exploring the meanings that it holds for you, at a pace that you choose and in a way that is containing and non-judgmental. Within the therapeutic relationship you can explore your feelings about your relationships. Building trust with a counsellor can be an issue when you have experienced a lack of it and counsellors are well trained to recognise this and be patient. This space can also be used to make sense of your fears and concerns about the situation(s) you find yourself in and how to deal with them. Expressing these fears and talking to your therapist may help to relieve feelings of shame and help you to feel safer, exploring what steps you can take to recover from abusive experiences and move forward.

To find a counsellor to speak to who has experience working with themes of abuse, search our database.