Anger

What is anger?

Firstly, anger is a very natural emotion. For many people however, it is something that they would rather distance themselves from, something they fear or dislike in themselves. For others, anger may be something they wish they could get hold of and express, or maybe just understand why they feel it for no apparent reason.

There are two common types; aggressive and passive. The former can be very intense and lead to a verbal or physical reaction, whilst the latter can be a quiet, obsessive emotion that doesn’t explode, but instead unconsciously impacts your life and can consume you. Whatever its outward forms, it can affect our sense of wellbeing and contentment.

What are the symptoms of anger?

Many people experience an increased heart rate and they are aware of muscles tightening in their face or body. There can be a sense of being out of control, feeling caught up in something which has its own force. You can find yourself acting in a way that ultimately you may regret but when in the moment of anger, you are unable to suppress.

Anger can vary in intensity and how it manifests itself but the underlying experience can be a sense of lack of self control and unhappiness.

What causes anger?

Each of our emotions has layers which have built up over a number of years and each emotion, including anger, can be triggered by different things. We all have our own buttons that can be pressed by other people and the circumstances around us. Anger at a person, around an event, or brooding about personal problems – memories of traumatic events can also trigger angry feelings and equally anxiety, stress and relationships are a common source.

Although anger can be very visible, the actual source can be buried very deeply. Therapeutically, anger can be an outward manifestation of inner turmoil and counsellors often take time to explore what anger means to an individual, where that meaning has come from, how it has affected their lives, state of mind and relationships. We are after all, not born angry, things happen in our lives and sometimes we do not have the opportunity to process what has happened and to find a safe way to deal with them. How anger has been expressed in our family is often a clue as to our relationship with anger and how comfortable we are expressing anger in a passive or aggressive way.

There is no single right way of releasing anger and so therapeutic work will focus on what feels right and safe for the client and looking at ways of processing anger which cause less stress for the individual and those around. For others, expressing the feeling rather than repressing it may be at the centre of the work. Understanding how we have got to where we are is fundamental in facilitating change or simply feeling comfortable with ourselves.

We are the best source of knowledge about our own anger, but sometimes talking to a therapist can help us unpick it in a safe environment and find ways of expressing it comfortably.

To find a counsellor who specialises in dealing with anger, why not search our database here.